sometimes glass glitters

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zx. 20+. wants(1 gpa to stay abv 4.00 (2 big watsons dog/guitar lessons/tohoshinki cds/dvds/polaroid camera(on a whimsy)/new sandals/dresses!/skirts/tops/shorts... (3 summer holidays to come soon

more than diamonds

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goodbye


designer: eminence.
image: Sara Bareilles' Site
background: Photobucket quote: Terry Pratchett

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


(I'm going to first apologise for the lack of paragraphing henceforth because I don't feel like it.)

I'm feeling sad for no apparent reason. =( It's not the kind of depressed sad that makes me want to harm myself or jump off a building from depression, but just the sort that weighs on my heart and I don't know what's making it stay there. Life's been okay, I do my work, more or less, I go for lessons, lectures, try and fulfil my responsibilities... And now I don't know what's getting me down. I ought to be happy, I'm meeting a secondary school friend I haven't seen in a while, I'm going to have an early and relatively slack school day tomorrow. But I'm sad. Perhaps the only reason why I want to watch that Japanese show is to have a legitimate reason to cry. -sighs- Perhaps it's because I miss my sec school class? I miss having a particular closeness with someone or a group of people. There aren't really any cliques in class, which is good, but when you float around, you just aren't that close anymore? The class goes around in a huge group, and if you get left behind, you just have to survive alone until you find someone else to be social with again. Somehow I'm not comfortable enough in hc to run around by myself aimlessly. I find myself wondering what to do after school if I'm waiting for the next event and I don't feel like eating. Wandering around without a purpose is horribly tough for me, and sometimes I just don't feel like I can face the world with a smile. Probably don't have enough optimism to even muster an upward tug at the side of my mouth. Oops, the keyboard slipped off my file and fell to the floor with a crash. It still seems to be working fine though, good. Anyway I cut my nails, ger should be proud of me. Although the nail edges are rough, aren't exactly the same length and seem to be weird in shape... But anyway, back to my below average happy status. Or maybe it's just because I feel like my life isn't as fulfilling as I would like it to be. Everyone seems to say that J1 life is fun, exciting, filled to the brim with activities, but I don't feel that way? Or maybe I will next year. Don't know how or what to think anymore. I need a hug. Just heard shouhou on the radio, a song our chinese teacher used to play for us during lessons... =) Brings back memories and stuff, even the LEP room which used to be so homey with the cushions and organised chaos sort of interior design, now seems so corporate with bright walls, polished brown cupboards and boards, flat white ceiling, expensive chairs that do nothing but cut people with their edges. Why are they there then? Essentially because they cost more than our original chairs, so more expensive = better right? Say yes. Okay whatever, I don't feel like I'm in a right frame of mind to do work, so I shall do light reading on abortion instead. Mmhmm.