sometimes glass glitters

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zx. 20+. wants(1 gpa to stay abv 4.00 (2 big watsons dog/guitar lessons/tohoshinki cds/dvds/polaroid camera(on a whimsy)/new sandals/dresses!/skirts/tops/shorts... (3 summer holidays to come soon

more than diamonds

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goodbye


designer: eminence.
image: Sara Bareilles' Site
background: Photobucket quote: Terry Pratchett

Monday, March 21, 2005


我以为我可以不哭了。我真地以为我可以不哭了，但我再写这个的时候，却是在边哭边打字的。要说黄城夜韵，也不知道该从何说起，要说道具，更是难上加难。但这绝非是因为我对道具或黄城夜韵无话可说，而是因为对黄城, 道具有太多话要说,不知该从何开始. Daoju chong nian tou dao xian zai, shi wo sheng huo zhong de yi da bu fen, zi chong jing le daoju yi hou, bian mei you yi tian neng you tai yang zhao zai wo hui jia de lu shang. Dan wo ye ceng bu hou hui, you qi shi zai bai liu de xie mu zhi hou, wo geng shi ying wei huang cheng er kai xin, wei daoju er gan dong, jiao ao.

I'm very proud to be from daoju, I'm very proud of the bunch of people I worked with from the start of the year. They persevered from start till the end, never wavering despite the many people that walked out on daoju and huang cheng for their various flimsy reasons. But then again, it's their loss. They'll never experience the joys of being in a daoju group so small but yet so united. They'll never experience the heartaches and pains of being in daoju, when props are spoilt or when we don't meet others' expectations. They'll never understand the euphoria and joy we experience when we do a quick and silent huan chang, and the audience goes "whoa" and they'll never have that silly grin that can't be wiped off our faces after that, or have that warm tingly feeling when we hear someone praising daoju. They'll never understand how we can be so possessive, that the VT basement is daoju's area and the food and stuff there are all ours too. They'll never understand why we feel heartache and cry when huang cheng is over because that means that daoju is over and everything has to go. They won't understand the feeling of standing on the VT stage on the last day, singing hua chu di ge during xie mu and looking out at the rows of audience, seniors that stand up and sing with us too.

I remember Saturday, everyone feeling tense about the last night, but yet milling around behind the curtains, hugging, wishing everyone else good luck, singing along to the house music and sitting there and collecting our thoughts. I remember sitting down in a small circle, everyone being extremely quiet and just thinking. I remember thinking about daoju and thinking about all the lasts that would happen that day, I remember my eyes welling up with tears and my nose clogging up such that I could only look upwards and try to blink my tears away. I remember the introductory video showing, and me trying to convince myself that I wouldn't cry while watching it, yet when it showed, I felt that same suan suan de gan jue in my nose, and before I knew it I had tears in my eyes. When I moved to my curtain and turned away from the screen, I thought that I didn't see the video, I wouldn't cry. Who knew that just by listening to the music, my tears rolled down slowly. I couldn't even blink them back anymore, I had to take off my glasses and wipe my tears, with the tissues that zhu zhang had thoughtfully handed to all the girls beforehand. I remember trying my best not to look like I was crying, and admonishing myself for sobbing even before the first ju started. I remember hiding behind the curtain during deng an and staring out onto the stage, then counting the people that came into my curtain, before shutting it whilst trying to minimise the noise the chain made when it was dragged along the floor. I remember how kj tried to help me hold the curtain again for the last time, but I refused because it was the last time, and I wanted to do it all by myself, even if I was sick. I remember how when the ju ended, everyone rushed to set up for da mu zhi, trying to get it all done before the emcees finished their speeches, and yiyun and I getting the dining table unfolded and the cloth all smoothed before the ju started. I remember how when wk called rach to see what happened, we all gathered at the curtain and stared at the floor. I remember how I gaped when I saw the lime green underside of the cover and the other part of the painted brown stool sitting on the VT stage. I remember all the thoughts going through my mind then, and trying to get myself to focus on the dining table instead. I remember how people sat down after huan changs and started feeling down about what they did or didn't do right. I remember how during wei, kj did his funny black tape get up again, and the atmosphere at stage right was once again very qing song. I remember how I was stressed about the swivel chairs and how ch kept telling me to put it down more lightly or walk more softly. I remember wincing each time I put down or took up the swivel chair since the seat would automatically contract and extend respectively. I remember our last huan chang, I lost the cushion. I couldn't see my chair cushion on the chair, and I certainly didn't see it on the floor either. Thankfully later wq said that she helped me put it back.

I remember telling jiching about how I xin teng over the daojus being wrecked, and her telling me that the only reason why we missed the daojus so much, was because we missed the people and the times we spent making it. The reason why we piahed so hard for huan changs and didn't have anyone complaining, besides the fact that we didn't want to dui bu qi dao zhangs, was that each and every daoju has our xin xue or is our xin xue.

I remember the VT floor being spotted with patches of water, made up of our tears. When barely a few hours before, any drop found would be swiftly dealt with. That was really ironic, and I remember having this silly grin on my face when ame pointed out that really funny piece of information, whilst having tears streaming down my face. Oh well, conflicting emotions are weird little things.

I remember lenny's nickname, "No numbers, just spirit." =)

Daoju de xin ku, shei hui zhi dao? Zhi you bi ci.
Daoju de xin suan, you shei neng ti hui? Zhi you ni wo.
Daoju de huan le, he shei fen xiang? Wo men de daoju jia ting.
Daoju de xu xu duo duo, you shei neng liao jie? Zhi you yi qi tong du guo, tong huan nan, tong gan gong ku de ni men.