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Monday, November 15, 2004Things that make studying History that much more fun... [There is no intention to offend here k? All in the name of fun...] POLITICAL/PHILOSOPHICAL FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. FASCISM You have two cows, you work to milk both of them and give the government half. COMMUNISM You have two cows, you give both cows to the governmennt and then the government gives you some of the milk. PURE COMMUNISM You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of the cows and you all share the milk. APPLIED COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. DICTATORSHIP/NAZISM You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. MILITARISM You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cow sues you for breach of contact. BRITISH DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one and milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. TOTALITARIANISM You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. FEMINISM You have two cows, they get married and adopt a veal calf. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerent past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of a non-specified gender. CORPORATE LAND VALUE TAX (LVT) You have two cows. The government demands LVT. Your local customers move because the can't affort the LVT. Your income/demand drops. You sell a cow. Your income is not sufficient to continue to live on and pay LVT. You sell your last cow and move out to a tax haven with lots of cows - Jersey. CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. BUSINESS ENTERPRISE You have the cow, your neighbour has the bull. You sell the milk, calves and manure. You bullshit investors. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. HONG KONG CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fengshui is bad. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. A HINDU CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. [taken/adapted from here and history notes] |